Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Five Worst Castings of Literary Characters

Making a book into a movie is like insulting the latest ipad- ostensibly innocent, but absolutely guaranteed to outrage some nerds.
Here's the top five casting choices that make me think the nerds might be totally justified:

1) Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon: Okay, here's the thing: Dan Brown really went absurdly out of his way to outline what he wanted for his main character to be. The man is described REPEATEDLY as "Harrison Ford in Harrison tweed". It's not the subtlest, most tasteful thing in the world, but it gets the point across. Sorry, but Mr. Hanks and his inexplicable hair-do do not fit the bill. Can't get the actual Harrison Ford? Fine. It's Hollywood. There are a MILLION backups. If there's one thing I know about aspiring actors in LA, it's that aspiring actors are pretty much everyone in LA. Seriously. If you needed a lesbian Chinese dwarf with a lazy eye and a good singing voice, you could probably find one. An Indiana Jones look-alike should be nothing at all.

2) Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins: Frodo of the LOTR books is supposed to be a middle-aged hobbit with- get this- a stiff upper lip! The substitution of youth and beauty for age and stoicism, I can forgive... it's just the hollywood standard- but where did the toughness go??? Youth is fine, but we could have been spared HOURS of that goddamned simpering! Did no one else notice that the kid only has one damn face? Not EVERY situation warrants a doe-eyed look of terror.

3) Keanau  Reeves as Don John is Much Ado About Nothing: Reeves pretty much universally takes the cake for worst roles ever. He was also a wildly inappropriate choice for Jonathan Harper in Bram Stoker's Dracula, but he got that role too. I just don't understand how whoever was casting this read one of Shakespeare's greatest comedies and said "hmm. You know who'd be good for this role? That dude from speed.... yeah. He'd be perfect here."

4) Nicholas Cage as the Sorcerer in The Sorcerer's Apprentice: Okay, I'm gonna level with you... I didn't even READ this book... but I can still tell you that N Cage was a bad call. N Cage is ALWAYS a bad call.

5)Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany's: Not only was this the most patently racist thing EVER, but it was also just utterly absurd. Why? Why Mickey? Why not somebody who was actually Japanese? Why not pretty much ANYBODY else?

1 comment:

  1. Have you seen the new Woody Allen movie - Midnight in Paris? In it, there is a cast of literary figures. I cringed at the Ernest Hemingway character. You must check it out!