Thursday, April 14, 2011

Awesome Accessories... In Books

Books/ myths have a lot to offer fashion-wise for entertainment that is almost entirely non-visual. Here are my top picks for fictional accessories, as well as some more realistic manifestations if you are inclined to make one of them your own.

1. Dorothy's Ruby Slippers: The sequined-up fire-engine pumps you wore every day when you were six may be a bit much for the modern workplace, but luckily there's a very neat equivalent over here in the real world in the form of a little brand called Ferragamo. These babies are all about their signature red underbellies, and if you flash these around enough, you can probably also get wherever you want to. Mostly because if you have Ferragamos, then you probably have money, and money = access to EVERYTHING!

2. Miss Havesham's Wedding Dress: If you had one of these, you'd never want to take it off either.

3.The One Ring: You don't even need a real- life equivalent... you can buy the real thing. Seriously. I saw it in one of those in-flight magazines. You can order an exact copy of the ring that could destroy middle earth. I mean, minus the actual destructive capacities. I guess if you want hardcore authenticity you could buy this and a nuclear weapon off of the black market, but I'd advise against it; you'd probably wake up the next morning in Guantanamo Bay. If you just want the whole invisible thing, just throw on a white Hanes tee, Uggs, and some skinny jeans. Trust me, no one will notice you. *Switch Uggs into Rainbows if you live on the West Coast.

4.The Sorting Hat: Okay, there's no real equivalent here, but if you want a witch's hat, just go to any Halloween store. If you want a hat that also provides you with an automatic group with which to align yourself, here are some possible options:
  • Ironic Trucker Hat- Why, just pop on over to your local American Apparel! There, you will find a wonderful sample population of your new posse. You'll have a grand old time bonding over PBRs and bemoaning the way MGMT has completely sold out
  • Beret-Hooray, beret! You'll fit right in with the artsy, the intellectual, the whimsical, the European, and the pretentious. Simply pick your poison! They'll accept you no questions asked, because this hat, she speaks- she speaks for you.
  • Fedora- Rock on. Your new friends are at Paramore.
  • Baseball Cap- oh, well aren't you just so cool and laid back and attractive. Fine. Just go find your requisite group of hot guy friends and play Madden all night and be awesome.
  • Derby Hat- Congrats on your recent assention into the English aristocracy! Tell Will and Kate I say hi.

5. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Just tote your fav volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica. What's that? You don't have freakish Goliath-like strength? Fine. I guess an iphone would work, too.

6. Holden's Red Hunting Cap: This has the potential to be atrocious or cute. Here is a cute one. Just please refrain from whining about phonies while you're wearing it.

7. Mary Poppins' Magic Purse (later usurped by Hermoine's clutch in the last Harry Potter book): There isn't anything that expands magically yet, but a good solid boho bag should do the trick. Those things could fit a twelve year old child in there. If you literally have so much stuff that you can't fit it all in one of these, then A & E has a show called "Hoarders" them.

8.Holly Golightly's Sunglasses: The movie kind of did this for you... go hit up a Ray Bans.

9.Hermes' Sandals: Okay, there are two ways you can go here... stylistically, if you're craving the ancient Greek, you can slap on a pair of gladiators or lace-ups. You could even rock bandage heels and pretend you're somewhere in the realm of authenticity. (Even though you're really not). If it the transportation is what you crave, they have those sneakers with the wheels in the heels. And of course, there's always roller blades (especially effective when strapped to fireworks!). If you just want to feel like you are walking on air, then invest in some temperpedic slippers. They're expensive, but let me tell you something: they are so. fucking. comfortable.

10. Hester Prynne's Scarlet Letter: A normal person wouldn't want a badge that alerted all the world to their greatest personal mistake. But if you're not a normal person, then iron-on patches are for you. Be a total hippy and put them on your canvas purses, your torn jeans, your ratty caps... whatever floats your boat. You're welcome to actually get a big red "A", but you could also go for something cuter/ more normal like a car logo or a peace sign. Again, up to you.

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