Which Celeb Personifies Each Focus?

Yesterday, I wrote a post about the different aspects of a novel you could focus on. I decided to make a list of celebrities that I think personify each type of focus.

Plot - Who else deserves this honor but the magnificent miss Lindsey Lohan? This girl's life is all about the storyline. You think she's a cute Disney kid, then BAM sex symbol. You accept that and then BAM coke addiction BAM arrest BAM rehab BAM sex tapes BAM lesbianism BAM manicured obsenities on her fingers. I think I'd like to see her next be a foray into religious zealotry. Or, you know,just more crazy.

Character- Gaga; the woman who makes the concept of a public persona into an art

Setting - Hugh Heffner. The Mansion is a world all to itself. A world where voluptuous blondes wander around like housecats and police officer costumes and french maid uniforms are standard attire. Regular activities include naked cupcake baking and trampoline pillowfights. There's a reason Heff fascinates people enough to have a successful reality show, and it isn't his business prowess.

Idea- Tom Cruise. In a feat of extraordinary bizarreness, Cruise has managed to undermine his legendary acting career and good looks in order to make his name synonymous with an obscure religion the believes in aliens. There you go.

Context- Why is Susan Boyle famous? She's talented, yes, and her story is nice... she went on a talent show and then got famous. But the real delight is that shes a middle-aged popstar with five cats and a unibrow.

Pop Culture Equivelants to Famous Literary Characters

Can't you just see Shakespeare's Tybalt getting on his Gym Tan Laundry? Or Huckleberry Finn sending out another apologetic tweet for his latest offensive comment? Sometimes literary characters have such distinctive personalities, they almost seem real. Real, and with horribly, horribly stunted access to personal privacy. So it only makes sense that one might associate them with celebrities. Here's my list of which celebrities I think would act as the real life counterparts to the following famous characters:

1) Gatsby (The Great Gatsby): P. Diddy- All-white (clothing) parties in the Hamptons? Opulent wealth? An abundance of boozy floozies constantly at hand? And all with a vague undercurrent of deep dissatisfaction with the shallow glitz around him? Gatsby= Diddy. No contest. Plus, they both go by their last names.

2) Humbert Humbert (Lolita): John Mayer- I don't feel that this one calls for any justification.

3)Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice): Christian Bale- okay, I know that I am doing my dear Fitzwilliam a great disservice here, but it would be too boring for me to just put some random other random brooding beauty as his match. First of all, Darcy has to be respected (like Bale) and disliked (like Bale). He has some anger problems, and insults Elizabeth's family; Bale has some anger problems, and insults the lighting crew... via aggressive tirade. They're both insanely devoted- one to a woman, one to his roles. The only difference is that only one is also actually insane.

4)Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird): George Clooney- just because... I want to be them both.

5) Mrs. Haveshem (Great Expectations): Mrs. Haveshem sits in a dusty room in an ancient wedding dress, desperately trying to physically exist in the past, so naturally... Joan Rivers

6) The Wife of Bath (Canterbury Tales): Jessica Simpson- they're big bosomed, single-minded women who know what they want. They're sexualized beings and they use that to get what they want, not in a conniving, evil way, but in a simple, good ol' Texas straight-shooting kind of a way.

7)The Three Musketeers... and D'Artagnan (The Three Musketeers): Owen Wilson, Vince Vaugn, Will Ferrel.... and Ben Stiller- all for one and all that.

8) King Lear (King Lear): Tyra Banks- EVERYONE MUST PROVE THEIR LOVE TO ME... AS LOUDLY AND DRAMATICALLY AS POSSIBLE

9) The Lady of Shallot (Tale of King Arthur): Jennifer Aniston- one died of a broken heart when he love fell for another... the other one, we just act like she did

10) Ford Prefect (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy): Russell Brand- Ford Prefect is an alien who routinely states wild and absurd ideas as if they were the epitome of logical sense, with the effect that everyone around him is either severely unsettled or strangely charmed. Russell Brand is about the same.

11) Tyler Durden (Fight Club): KISS- these guys just want to F$#% S*#% UP! Sheer anarchy.

12) Jekyll/ Hyde (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Tom Cruise- one day the movie star we all loved fired his publicist and suddenly....

13) Oliver Twist (Oliver Twist): Jon and Kate's Eight- Oh, you poor, poor children. The love and character nourishment that you so desperately crave will not be coming from your parents. Because they're either crazy or they're dead.

14)The Monster (Frankenstein): Heidi Montag- Both of these lovely creatures were assembled, full grown, with supplementary body parts.

15) All the kids from The Lord of the Flies: All the kids from the Jersey shore- I don't know if its about living with a big group, all of one nationality, or being by the sea, or having an affinity for pork, but all of these people are mesmerizingly savage

Celebrity Favorite Books

I was bored this morning, so I decided to do a little "research" on the web (aka a google search) to find out what kinds of books celebrities [claim to] like. I stumbled upon this little list from the ABC news website, which struck me as a fairly creditable source: ABC list
The site has pictures of the books and short descriptions, but the basic gist is this:
Angelina Jolie (back in the good old days of vials of blood.... now it's probably something more along the lines of Heart of Darkness)- Vlad the Impaler: In Search of Dracula
Natalie Portman- The Diary of Anne Frank
Catherine Zeta Jones- The Great Gatsby
Nicole Kidman- The Chronicles of Narnia
Denzel Washington- Siddhartha
Kate Winslet- Therese Raquin
Alec Balduin- To Kill a Mockingbird
Russell Crowe- Anything by Studs Terkel
Will Smith- The Alchemist
Mel Gibson- Fahrenheit  451
Mira Sorvino- A Brief History of Time
Miley Cyrus- Don't Die, My Love

I think you can tell a lot about a person by his or her favorite book. I, for example, wouldn't give the time of day to anyone who didn't think David Sedaris was hilarious or Samuel Coleridge was brilliant. That said, in order to judge, it has to actually BE one's favorite book. I don't even honestly know who Mira Sorvino is, but I call BULLSHIT.  If I ever saw some celebutante reading Stephen Hawking I think my brain might implode (unless, of course it was one of my approximately 200 celeb crushes, in which case I would accept it without question.) I'm also not so sure about Portman's choice. I believe that she read Anne's Diary, and it without a doubt a great thing to read, but it doesn't really strike me as "favorite bok" material... it's too historical. Not that Anne wasn't a good writer, esspecially for her age, but I don't think that's really the point; the point is that its an authetic glimpse into the life of a German jew. Plus, Nat was starring in a movie adaptation, so this smacks a little bit of self-promotion. Balduin, Denzel, and Smith all get my hearty approval for timeless, excellent choices, and so does Catherine Zeta Jones, whose persona fits perfectly with that Gatsby-esque 20's glamour (Think Chicago). Kate Winslet, who I love anyway, gets extra points for selecting a slightly less well known classic that is also a great, great piece of literature. And then there's Miley Cyrus, whose choice sounds like a Nicholas Sparks novel on estrogen pills. I wouldn't have expected anything else.