Top 20 Books to ABSOLUTELY NOT BUY for Someone Based on Clothes They Wear

1.      A wedding ring and stripper heelsà The Scarlet Letter

2.      A kippahà Mein Kampf

3.      A crucifixà Lamb

4.      Gap kids à A Clockwork Orange

5.      Walmart brandà Skinny Bitch (Because it’s a book about veganism, not because people who shop at Walmart are fat. Sheesh)

6.      PradaàThe Devil Wears Prada

7.      A bathrobe and a weak mustacheà Lolita

8.      A walkerà My Horizontal Life (Chelsea Handler)

9.      An expression of intense awesomenessà Twilight

10.  An army uniformàCatch-22

11.  A power-suità Alice in Wonderland

12.  An IVà The Inferno

13.  A bright yellow sundressà The Bell Jar

14.  A scarf, boxy glasses, tight pantsàRomeo and Juliet

15.  Sports clothesà A Nicolas Sparks novel

16.  A wool ponchoàGeorge Bush’s memoir

17.  Anything by the brand Limited Tooà Ulysses

18.  Concrete bootiesàThe Godfather

19.  Adult size xxxxxsmà A Prayer for Owen Meany (if you didn't know... he's a dwarf)

20.  Anything at allàthe book by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Top 20 Books to Buy People Based On What They Wear:

1.      Anything by the brand Limited Tooà Twilight

2.      Tight jeans and an ironic t-shirt àanything by Vonnegut except Slaughterhouse 5 (Because (s)he’ll already have it)

3.      Power Suit à Freakonomics

4.      Vintage sundress and a romantic smileà Chocolat

5.      Neck gear àBoy: Eragon or Dune Girl: something by Tamora Pierce or Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

6.      Sports clothes à Fight Club

7.      Jeans and a graphic t-shirtà Lamb

8.      Mom jeans à My Sister’s Keeper

9.      A pacifierà Alice in Wonderland (it works on so many levels…)

10.  A Hawaiian t-shirt àThe Big Sleep

11.  Pradaà Chasing Harry Winston OR The Great Gatsby

12.  Indie band t-shirtàA Clockwork Orange

13.  High heels to classà Gossip Girl novels

14.  Cardigans àThe Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime

15.  Wire-rimmed glassesà Life of Pi

16.  Victoria’s Secret brand/ a crapload of Forever 21à Nicolas Sparks novels

17.  A smoking jacketàa biography on Ronald Reagan

18.  A wedding ringà The Five Love Languages

19.  All blackà The Wasteland

20.  An expression of sheer awesomenessà David Sedaris books